Yesterday I could smell you near …

Yesterday I could smell you near
A mixture of you and cigars
A comforting scent
But disturbing too
It puzzled me so
I thought you wanted to go.

This morning though
The smell has gone
My nostrils
Clear and fresh
Your smell has gone
Yesterday so strong
As disturbed as I was
I feel bereft and sad
Ashamed of my feelings 
Of questioning
I guess the meditation
Brought you close to me
And perhaps I didn’t see
Letting go isn’t easy for you
Just as it isn’t for me.

I understand your message
I’m going with the flow
Accepting the process
Enjoying it too
I’m blessed with an encouraging
Group of women
Online, if you believe it
Cheering me on
But I know you know
Because I know you’re near
But don’t worry about me
I’m doing fine
And I’ll move on
And live my life
Once these poems have come to life
I understand they’re coming quickly
They need to be out there
To help other people
Thank you from the bottom of my heart
For everything you’ve done for me
How much you’ve given me
In life and death
You’re a gift, a treasure
I’m so lucky
And proud to have known you
And for the time we had together.
I feel blessed, but strong
Well-equipped to carry on
Without you.

© Gill Tembo, July 2019

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