Two inch thick solid steel

A former boyfriend
Of mind once
Compared me
To a two-inch thick 
Piece of solid steel.

His words stayed with me
All these years.
Instead of fine porcelain
He thought I was,
Easily breakable and delicate,
I proved myself
Of much stronger mettle,
Tougher, more resilient.

Those qualities I’ve needed
To fight on through my loss,
To reach the other side
Feeling stronger and together.
The shadow of my former self
Is no longer with me.
I’ve returned to me
But believe me
It’s taken work and effort.

Writing has been part of it
From very near the start
Daily ‘morning pages’
Journaling away
Thanks to reading
‘The Artist’s Way’
By one of my heroines
Julia Cameron, what a star.
She set me on my journey
Although she didn’t know it.
Her book touched me
Profoundly.

I began writing every day
A stream of consciousness
An outpouring.
My feelings bared
Emotions purged
Ideas aired
And gradually
I began to see
Once issues had been raised
They no longer had
A hold on me.
Dissipated
Cleared, relieved
And could no longer hurt me.

This process did of course
Lead to therapeutic help
I’m sure though
It was essential preparation
Guiding me, easing me
Into the baring of my soul
Clearing blockages
Understanding, querying
Seeking solutions
To the way I felt.

Therapeutic help arrived
Hypnotherapy man, Carole
Body Talk and Eloise
As I moved from 
Talking therapy and the
Annals of my mind
To the subtle connections
Between body and mind.

Trundling along in the background
Was a constant trail of reading
Backing up the help I had
With facts, figures and science
The spiritual connection
And balance between the two
As my horizons widened
And I began to see
And to understand
The amazing synergy
Between mind and subconscious 
And their interaction.
The mind the tip of the iceberg 
When deep below the surface
The fathomless subconscious
Has so much power
Over our thinking and our feeling.
To tap into this
Is the answer
As far as I can see
And a therapy is needed
That can do this successfully.

Once our beliefs and values
So deep seated and entwined
Are tweaked and adjusted
Change can happen
Easily
Sometimes I don’t even notice
Till one day I realise
That thing that was bothering me
Has vaporised.
What was it now?
I don’t know, it’s gone!

The more I delve
The more wonderment
I find
And I am so grateful
So happy and so pleased
To have taken this journey
And to continue on it.

Maybe that’s what
My former boyfriend meant
I am strong and resilient
Although there have been times
I’ve questioned that
And almost caved
But something kept me going
However dark things got
Constantly learning
About myself and others
For whatever we discover
You can be sure
Others share our feelings
And experience.

We are, after all
A bubble of humanity
Sharing common energy
Lives, thoughts and journeys
The differences are subtle
But underneath it all
Very little differs
In the human experience.

© Gill Tembo August 2019

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