I never thought this day would come
My book all finished and complete.
There were times 
The road ahead 
Seemed long and weary
Full of doubts, 
Questions,
Incomplete.

I worked in secret 
Not owning up 
Hoping one day
I'd get here,
But hardly daring 
To believe.

I’d be working well
Then something 
Stopped me in my tracks
An interruption
To the flow
Hard to get going
Again.
Then,
I’d start …
Then something else 
Would happen…
And ...
So it went on.

A never-ending journey
Long and twisty
Up and down
That
I meandered through 
Feelings and emotions
All related 
To losing you.
You who suggested
I write in the first place
Then never stayed 
Around
For this day to come.

It’s funny then
People appear
On the horizon
Just when they're needed
To help and push you on.
Just when you’re ready.

A person did appear
For me 
In January 
Twenty Eighteen
Giving me the impetus,
The structure and the meaning
To help me move on.

Knowing by then,
The book 
I had to finish
To allow me to move on.
The conviction became clear
In my heart and my being
An immovable need
That need
To push on.

I worked and worked and worked!
This time …
No distractions,
Total focus
Purpose and commitment.

The book structured,
Chapters added,
I edited and edited.
I wrote the contents page,
Acknowledgements
And finally,
The Epilogue
And by the end of August
Twenty Eighteen
I thought I was done!

How little did I know!
How inexperienced,
Naive!
Because ...
In Twenty Nineteen
I edited some more
Read and read and read the book
Over and over.
But in the reading
And repeating 
And repeating
of the story,
As a wise person told me,
The emotional charge 
Rose to the heavens
Dissipated and let go,
Till I could read it
With very little sadness.
and no more tears.
Just a feeling in my heart
Of gratitude and joy
To have known you
Gaban .

How wonderful now
To share your story,
Our story …
With family and friends
And people from afar.

And I know you know
That I know
It is now time to move on.

© Gill Tembo, September 2019


Written as I finished the editing of 'Life and Love in Africa: my journey to Zambia, Nigeria and back' published in 2019 by New Generation Publishing.